I'm just going to come right out and say it, I was not popular when I was in school, at all. I'm sure many people can relate to that, but I wasn't just unpopular, I was an outcast. I was never invited to anything outside of school, or even in school for the matter. Honestly, I could go on and on about the things I dealt with as an outcast, especially in late elementary and middle school, when I was dealing with the worst of what I went through. I'm not going to lie to you and say that it wasn't a lonely and isolating feeling to be sitting alone at lunch almost every day and to feel like I had no friends. Like most young teens, I just wanted to fit in somewhere. All through middle school, I tried and tried to fit in, but none of my efforts worked. As a matter of fact, it seemed that the harder I tried to fit in, the worse the bullying and teasing got. I knew that I wasn't going to fit in, and I had to accept that fact.

So at some point, I decided to say "fuck this shit" and stop trying to be cool, because clearly, it wasn't working. Besides, I was beginning to realize that being "popular" really wasn't what it was hyped up to be, so I decided to just embrace being an outcast. And let me tell you, embracing being an outcast may be one of the best decisions I made in my young life. Not only did I no longer feel that I had to pretend to be something that I wasn't, which was a truly liberating feeling, but once I decided to embrace being an outcast, it no longer felt like a curse. I also have to say that, the more I embraced being an outcast, and the less I gave a shit what other people thought about me, the more the bullies backed away. Honestly, there are so many positive ways that embracing the fact that I didn't fit in, rather than beating myself up over it, impacted my life. So with that said, I am actually grateful that I decided to embrace being an outcast, rather than view not fitting in as a bad thing.

I was not exactly what you would have called "popular" or "cool" when I was in school, not by any stretch of the imagination. I was never invited to anything outside of school, I never had a date to a school dance, I was seldom not picked last in gym class, the teacher often had to assign me a partner for school projects; I could go on and on. I'll be honest, I really didn't even have a close group of friends back when I was in school. I was more than just unpopular, I was an outcast, and I was often a target for bullying and teasing; or at least, I sure felt like a target sometimes. No matter what I did to try to fit in, I never did. As a matter of fact, it seemed that the harder I tried to fit it, the worse the bullying and teasing got. Late elementary and middle school, when the bullying was at its peak, was not a fun time for me. I sincerely hated going to school, for the obvious reasons; aside from having to wake up early and sit in boring classes. It was honestly such a horrible and lonely time in my life. I'm not going to lie and say it wasn't a shitty time for me, even though I did find some gratitude for it later on in life.

With all of that said, I would like to make it clear that I am not telling you this because I want pity or anything like that; I am telling you this because my story is quite common. Even in 2020, bullying is still very prevalent, and it doesn't seem like it's going away anytime soon. Let's be real, there are always going to be people who choose to be assholes, it's just a fact of life. But my point with all of this is that if you feel like you're an outcast, I want you to know that, by no means, are you alone. I know what you're going through, and I know how lonely and misunderstood you may feel. I know that it feels like no one cares about you and that you just want to fit in somewhere. Maybe not with the "popular" kids, but somewhere. Seriously, I know, because I've been there, and I get it. I also know that you've heard the phrase "it gets better" so many freaking times that you'd be a millionaire if you had a penny for every time you've had someone tell you that. I can personally tell you that it does get better, but I know that really doesn't mean that much when you're still going through it.

So today, I'm not just going to give you that generic "it'll be okay" statement and tell you what your future could look like. Trust me, I know that it can be hard to look to the future sometimes, especially when you're in middle school or high school. Heck, even if you're an adult going through it, I know it can be hard to look to the future at times. Seriously, I get it. That's why today, I'm going to tell you something that I wish I knew when I was dealing with all the crap I deal with back then; something that I hope can be eye-opening to at least one person out there. Because there was a lot that I did not realize at that time, not just because I was young, but because the situation was just so overwhelming at the time.

While I don't believe that venting on social media is the best way to go about releasing your emotions, I'm guilty of it. I'll be honest too, I'd be lying if I said that I was 100% ashamed of it. Unquestionably, some Tweets should have stayed in my drafts, and there are things that I probably should not have publicly aired for the world to see. But let me be real, sometimes, putting it out there feels so damn good. So much so, that I sometimes have no restraint when it comes to making it known to the world that something (or someone) is bugging me. Whether it's something relatively minor or something major, I find that it's a bit too easy to go on a Twitter rant over 10 Tweets long about it. Or, at the very least, retweet or share posts that explain what I'm feeling. I know it's not the best or most mature thing in the world, not to mention the fact that it's not very professional, but I can not even begin to explain how freaking good it feels at the moment. Seriously, I can not.

But on that note, what if venting to social media isn't necessarily a bad thing? Perhaps I am just trying to justify the fact that I still find myself turning to Twitter when there's something on my mind that I need to let out, and I'm still not about to say that it's the best way to release your emotions, but hear me out. While it may not be the best solution to spill your thoughts to the internet, and it probably won't actually solve anything, it doesn't necessarily have to be destructive either. As a matter of fact, what if it can be productive in a way? What if, not only am I getting something that's weighing on me off my chest, but I'm possibly putting into words what someone else who comes across my rant might be feeling? I know for a fact that, personally, when I read someone else's words, I feel less alone. But seriously, what if there is a positive side to venting on social media when you go about it in the right way? 

Photo courtesy of Andrijana Bozic on Unsplash

I would like to dedicate this post to all of my online friends. Thank you all for being so amazing! As someone who wasn't exactly popular in school, and has always had a hard time making friends in real life, social media has actually been quite a blessing for me. Not only has it made it easier for me to make friends, in general, but it has made it possible for me to connect with people that I have a lot in common with from all over the world. As a matter of fact, I actually have a deeper connection with some of my online friends than I do with anybody that I know in real life. I am sure that many people who have close friends that they've met through the internet can relate to this to some degree. Online friends are sincerely a blessing.

Although maybe we should call them long-distance friends, as I honestly consider a lot of my online friends to be my real-life friends. Even though they might live father away, and we might not have met in person, it doesn't make the friendship any less real. I honestly wish that older people would understand this! But whatever you choose to call them, we should all take a moment to appreciate the beauty of online friendships, because they are absolutely something special.

Photo courtesy of Dominika Pecková on Unsplash

Ever since I got my first computer in my room with high-speed internet, I spent a lot of time online, and even more specifically on some sort of social media site; although when I was younger many of them were more targeted at kids and young teens and had stricter rules to protect the safety of children while still allowing them to connect with others who have the same interests and make new friends (we need more sites and app like this now honestly). Either way though, whether I was on Zwinky or on MySpace (yes, that was a thing), watching YouTube videos, or if I was using an IM service like AIM or Yahoo Messenger (okay I really feel old now), I was spending most of my free time outside of school on some sort of social media website. And I still do this now as an adult; just now I use Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, WeHeartIt, Facebook, YouTube, and a few others now instead of MySpace and the online games. 

I'll be honest, I know I spend way to much time on social media and the internet in general. Although I think that may be due to the fact that I was an outcast in school, and didn't leave the house much; as I didn't really have anyone to spend time with in real life. All that being said, I've spent enough time online to see both the bad and the good sides of social media. Seriously though, while older generations, in particular, and the media often portray social media as a bad thing, it's not all bad; and can even be beneficial if used in a positive way. Don't get me wrong though, social media can also be extremely toxic if used in the wrong ways, and it's nearly impossible not to stumble across nasty things from time to time; and they definitely should be talked about, but the positive side of social media shouldn't be forgotten either. So today I'd like to go over the best and the worst ways that social media had affected my life personally.

Photo courtesy of Alex Bertman on Unsplash

I was not exactly the most popular girl in school; as a matter of fact, it was actually quite the opposite, and I was more of a popular target for teasing. Or at least that's how it felt at the time anyway. Needless to say, I didn't really have many friends and I pretty much never got invited to anything outside of school. Heck, I wasn't even invited to much in school; as the teacher often had to assign someone to work with me whenever we had to work in groups or with a partner (even though I'd have very much preferred to just work alone), I sat alone at lunch on most days, and I literally never had a date for a school dance. So I think you can guess that my social life outside of school was pretty much non-existent. (And let's be honest, my social life as an adult is still pretty much non-existent, LMAO.) But looking back on that now, I don't think that was necessarily completely a bad thing. 

While I can't say that the bullying hasn't had any negative lasting effects on me, and especially on my mental health, I can say that there's definitely a silver lining to not being the most popular girl in school. While all I wanted at the time was to be cool or at least fit in, (I could seriously go on and on about the things I did to try to be cool before I realized that "cool" is subjective and that what society deems as being cool can change over time), I have certainly found a few ways that not being popular has actually brought some good into my life. 

Some of these ways are more serious than others, and some of them may seem a bit silly or pehaps even kind of sad to some, but I truly believe in trying to find even just a little bit of good in a bad situation or experience in any way that you can.