The Best And Worst Ways Social Media Has Impacted My Life

Photo courtesy of Adrianna Calvo on Pexels

As I've said before, I was a bit of an outcast in school, and I didn't have many friends where I live; and because I live in a small town where "everyone knows everyone", it's not easy to make friends, as everyone already seems to have an opinion about you if you're the "different" or "weird" one, even if you've never actually talked to each other. Then along with that, there is also the struggle of finding people that would be genuine friends. It can also be a struggle to just find someone to talk to about specific things you're interested in with if your interests aren't all that common, or aren't common among people in your area. Then as an adult, it's just hard to meet new people in general; as no one wants to just walk up to random strangers and start talking to them like you would as a child, as that is just way too awkward and not to mention uncomfortable (often for both people involved).

Anyways, getting to the point here, social media has made it a lot easier for me to make genuine friends, and to connect with people who have similar interests; even as an introvert, with a bit of social anxiety. Seriously though, the connections that I have with people that I've met through social media are actually deeper than most of the connections I have with people that I know IRL (though you definitely still have to watch out for fakes); even though most of these people don't even live in the same state or even country as I do. Oftentimes my online friends are by far more supportive than people that I know in real life as well, including my own family at times.

Let's also not forget that there is a community for just about everything where you can connect with others with the same interests. Whether it's a fandom, a hobby that you have, or connecting with people with similar goals, values, or ideas, there is a community for everyone and everything; and thanks to the internet it's not too hard to find.

Being on social media, where you see posts from people that live all over the world and come from all different backgrounds, has opened up my eyes to a whole new world outside my small town, in more ways than just one. It has shown me that it's okay to think differently and that it's never a bad thing to be open-minded. Nor is it a bad thing to just dream big, and chase after those dreams, and that you don't have to stay in a small town state of mind. 

When I'm going through a difficult time, or just struggling with something, big or small, or maybe even seemingly silly, it's always nice to know I'm not the only one dealing with it. Although it's pretty much common sense in a world with well over 7 billion people that there's likely someone dealing with something very similar, sometimes a little reassurance that you're not the only one is still nice; as well as having a way to learn how others are handling the situation. Thanks to social media making the world a little bit smaller, it's not too difficult to find stuff that you can relate to in almost any situation; as well as information on how you can handle it or get through it, hopefully in a positive and healthy way.

That being said, social media has done a lot to open up the discussion about mental health and has helped in destigmatizing asking for help if you feel you need it, or even just talking about it. There are even websites out there where you can get therapy online, and even websites where you can just talk about something to get it off your chest for free such as 7 Cups Of Tea (not affiliated or sponsored); just know that free listeners on 7 Cups, or any other free site, are not necessarily trained professionals (and usually aren't), and that not all listeners will be great. On that note, I don't think I even need to remind you that not everyone on the internet, in general, is positive or friendly; so watch out for that, but know there are a lot of good people out there as well.

Back to my main point though, sometimes just having someone or something (even if it's just a meme) that you can relate to can help; even if just a little. 

Seriously though, for me personally, social media (and the internet in general), has always been more of a positive thing than a negative thing for me; especially given the fact that it has made it easier for me to make friends when I have always had a hard time making friends. It's even helped me to dive deeper into the things I love, and even find new things I never would have thought I'd be interested in before. Then it has just helped to open up my mind more, in general, and has shown me the world beyond my small town, and that I truly do have many options on how I can choose to live my life in a positive way that makes me happy. 

But this isn't to say that social media hasn't had any negative impacts on my life and that I shouldn't acknowledge the ugly side of social media; or the fact that I'm a little bit addicted to it...

For me personally, this one was never a shocker to me, having already been bullied in school; though the rude comments or remarks that I've personally received online are usually laughable compared to what I've heard people say to me in real life. Another thing, it's much easier to just block or mute someone online than it is in real life (just saying), and the typical "internet troll" will get bored quickly if you choose not to respond to them; as most of them are just looking for an argument or some sort of attention. 

I do know that there are some truly nasty people out there though, and I know that for some people it's not just a few rude comments or DMs here and there; and that social media can quickly become a toxic place if you fall into the wrong communities, talk to the wrong people, or use it in the wrong ways. Which is why I'm cautious of what communities I become a part of, and who I talk to within them; and why I have also always stayed from people who weren't so nice to me in school, or in person, online, and would never so much as follow them on Instagram. 

Photo courtesy of Jernej Graj on Unsplash

So, recently I've heard that Instagram is experimenting with hiding the number of likes on people's posts, which I can see both good and bad in. I'll be honest, this doesn't encourage me to use Instagram all that much, when I know I should be using it a little more as a blogger; but for small bloggers like myself, and for people who just use Instagram casually (especially teens), it may not be such a bad thing, as it makes it less of a competition. Personally, I'm okay with the fact that I don't have a lot of likes, followers, or anything of that sort anywhere, because I've literally only been blogging for two months, and I only have three posts on Instagram as of writing this (seriously though, I need to work on that), so of course I'm not going to have the same engagement as someone who has been blogging for years, or has a ton of content out already. I actually like to apply that same concept to other things where I may compare myself to others who have been doing something way longer than I have as well; such as with yoga, pilates, running, drawing, web design, or anything else.

But honestly, for me personally, the comparison doesn't come so much from someone having more likes or followers than I do, having stronger muscles or better endurance, creating artwork or make-up looks that I wish I had the patience to create, or anything of that sort. It's not even so much about comparing how I look versus how someone else looks; although I think every girl struggles at least a little with this at times when scrolling through Instagram. For me, it's more the fact that I have a tendency to compare how someone else's life is in general compared to mine; especially when it comes to the things I've always dreamed of, and I'm not just talking about trips to Europe, designer bags and dresses, luxury cosmetics, or any of that, a lot of the time it's actually the things that money can't buy.

It is important to remember that most people only post highlights of their life, and don't usually post the bad or even the "meh", and you never know what really goes on behind the scenes, or what that person is dealing with that they aren't sharing. Even daily vloggers on YouTube are only sharing a small portion of their day, and aren't showing everything. 

Although a lot of this likely also comes from social anxiety and being extremely shy and introverted in general, the fact that I spend the vast majority of my free time at home on my computer, and will almost always opt to do nearly everything from home that I can, doesn't really encourage me to improve my social skills. And when I do go out, I almost always wear my headphones and avoid making eye contact with anyone; sometimes I'll even look at my phone and pretend I'm texting just to avoid conversation. Which makes no sense given the fact that I actually want to make more connections with people that don't live over 500 miles away, but I'm really that uncomfortable with face to face conversation most of the time, as it just feels awkward to me. I even have a hard time ordering food (actually, eating out is another challenge for me entirely) or asking for help finding something at the store, even when I'm asked by a retail associate if I need any help finding anything. 

Now again, while this may be the result of my social anxiety and having bad experiences in school with other people, I'm not going to rule out the fact that I spend way more time on social media than actually trying to socialize with people in person as a factor in it. I actually often find myself even saying "they'll understand what I'm saying better if I just text or DM them anyways" or "I don't want to bother them, they look busy"; even if I already know them. This is something I know I need to work on and come up with a plan to work on. Even though it'll definitely have to be baby steps. 

Like I just said, I'm not exactly good at communicating with people verbally face to face, and I do nearly everything online (even my workout videos are over the internet), so if I didn't have internet access for an extended period of time for whatever reason, I wouldn't even know what to do. Sure, I do have quite a few activities I can do while the Wi-Fi is down, but usually, it's only down for a few hours or a day, unless there's a more serious problem that we need to contact our ISP to get fixed, and they usually do fix it relatively quickly. 

Seriously though, it's pretty crazy just how dependent many of us can be on our computers, tablets, and especially our phones; especially considering the fact that a lot of this stuff is relatively new, very new. I'm only 25 and I remember when you were lucky to even have dial-up internet *cringe* at home, let alone fast Wi-Fi. I also remember when it was cool just to have a cell phone; let alone a smartphone. By the way, does anyone else remember freaking out and frantically trying to close it when they accidentally opened the browser on their flip phone; hoping it wouldn't end up charging your parents on the bill so you don't get grounded? And let's not forget waiting until after 9 PM to make phone calls, and you were limited on how many texts you could send each month (that actually wasn't even that long ago). Ah, so many memories from the 90s, 2000s, and even early 2010s. And now it's hard to imagine going anywhere without your smartphone, and not being able to do literally everything quickly over the internet, or maybe even asking Siri or Alexa to do it for you.

Back to my point though, I know that I spend way too much time on my computer (you don't have to tell me twice), and I should probably try to put down my phone once in a while and just try to spend less time looking at a screen. But again, that would require baby steps for me; although I already have gotten a little better with this. I've gotten into the habit of not using my phone, iPad, or laptop in bed and keeping them out of my immediate reach at night, and recently I've been fully shutting down my laptop at night after I take my bedtime shower, and turning off notifications (or just flipping the screen over so I don't see them light up) on my iPad and on my phone before going to bed so I won't be as tempted to look at them. I also try not to turn on my laptop right away in the morning, and try to give myself at least an hour off my laptop (which is what I use the most), although I allow myself to use my phone and my iPad so I can watch videos, listen to music, read, or browse through Pinterest (still avoiding Twitter, Facebook, email, and anything else potentially stressful); which probably kills the purpose a little bit, but like I said, baby steps.