How I Embraced Being An "Outcast"

I'm just going to come right out and say it, I was not popular when I was in school, at all. I'm sure many people can relate to that, but I wasn't just unpopular, I was an outcast. I was never invited to anything outside of school, or even in school for the matter. Honestly, I could go on and on about the things I dealt with as an outcast, especially in late elementary and middle school, when I was dealing with the worst of what I went through. I'm not going to lie to you and say that it wasn't a lonely and isolating feeling to be sitting alone at lunch almost every day and to feel like I had no friends. Like most young teens, I just wanted to fit in somewhere. All through middle school, I tried and tried to fit in, but none of my efforts worked. As a matter of fact, it seemed that the harder I tried to fit in, the worse the bullying and teasing got. I knew that I wasn't going to fit in, and I had to accept that fact.

So at some point, I decided to say "fuck this shit" and stop trying to be cool, because clearly, it wasn't working. Besides, I was beginning to realize that being "popular" really wasn't what it was hyped up to be, so I decided to just embrace being an outcast. And let me tell you, embracing being an outcast may be one of the best decisions I made in my young life. Not only did I no longer feel that I had to pretend to be something that I wasn't, which was a truly liberating feeling, but once I decided to embrace being an outcast, it no longer felt like a curse. I also have to say that, the more I embraced being an outcast, and the less I gave a shit what other people thought about me, the more the bullies backed away. Honestly, there are so many positive ways that embracing the fact that I didn't fit in, rather than beating myself up over it, impacted my life. So with that said, I am actually grateful that I decided to embrace being an outcast, rather than view not fitting in as a bad thing.

First thing's first, you have to stop letting the assholes get to you. I know that this may seem way easier said than done, especially if you're generally a sensitive person, and given the fact that bullies are often loud and obnoxious, but you have to try to not let it bring you down. Personally, I found that the best way to begin tuning the rude people out was to simply act unbothered, and stop giving them the satisfaction of seeing that they were getting to me. More often than not, the main thing that bullies are after is your reaction, as that sense of power is what gives them their temporary ego boost, so don't give them that. Seriously, if someone is trying to get to you, try your best to not even acknowledge what they are saying, and more than likely, they'll eventually get tired of trying to get to you. I'm not at all saying that you shouldn't defend yourself, but when you feel that you need to, don't show them that what they are saying is bothering you. There are many ways that you can kindly tell rude people to fuck off, while also showing that their words aren't getting to you; here are a few of my favorites...

Seriously though, the more unbothered you seem, the better. Especially as eventually, the more you act unbothered, the more you actually become unbothered. You don't need to subscribe to what these people are saying about you, and you certainly don't need to feed into their negativity. You don't need to allow other people's words to bring you down, especially as bullies are usually insecure people who are full of shit anyway. So why would you let them keep getting to you? Especially knowing that's what they want.

Whether you're an outcast or not, one of the best things that you can do for yourself is love and embrace who you really are; and be that person. Seriously, there is no reason why you have to be who other people want you to be, and there is especially no reason you have to be who other people think that you are. You don't have to change who you are to fit into some type of box, and you shouldn't feel that you have to be somebody else just to win the acceptance of anybody else. Quite honestly, the people that you can't be yourself around, and feel you need to change for, aren't worth impressing anyway. You don't have to have the approval of anybody else to love yourself or any of your unique traits, nor do your interests have to be the same as everybody else's. Be proud of who you are and what makes you different, and embrace it, don't let anyone shame you for simply being and expressing who you are, just because you don't fit into their box of what's considered to be "cool" at the moment. Especially as being "cool" really isn't all it's cracked up to be. 

Now, if you want to change something about yourself for the sake of your own self-improvement, by all means, do it, just as long as you're doing it for you. I'm all for self-improvement, and I personally view it as an act of self-love. As a matter of fact, for me, choosing to embrace who I really was rather than trying to be someone that I wasn't was one of the most positive things that I changed about myself when I was a teenager. But seriously, don't change anything about yourself for anyone else's approval but your own. Don't be ashamed of who you are, just because other people may view you as being "weird" or different. Seriously, what if the things that make you different are amongst your greatest strengths, and could potentially be tools you could use for success?! For real, embrace who you are, and be confidently and unapologetically you. Don't be afraid to love yourself, regardless of what anyone else may think about you. Remember, you don't have to subscribe to other people's bullshit opinions about you. You can build up your self-confidence all on your own, you don't need the approval of other people to be who you are.

Personally, I found that finding some hobbies to focus on was the best way to tune out the rude people, as it was easy to redirect my thoughts and my energy to those things, rather than thinking about what other people were saying about me. I found that it was often quite easy to forget about what happened at school when I was building houses and telling stories in The Sims, when I was writing or drawing, or focusing on doing something that I enjoyed. But not only was having these hobbies a great way to stay entertained, forget the bad stuff from the day, and even release emotions on some days, but they also made for a great way to build up my confidence. Honestly, it's quite an astonishing feeling when you find something that you enjoy and that you naturally excel at. Almost undoubtedly, it would give quite a significant boost to anyone's self-esteem to know that they are good at something that a lot of people wouldn't even attempt. Especially as the more you do them, the better you get at them, which is quite a satisfying feeling.

Seriously though, find the things that you're really good at and that you really enjoy doing and focus your time and energy on those things, whatever they may be. Personally, I find that I like to focus on writing, web design, creating art, and playing The Sims as these are the things that I enjoy the most, along with yoga and Pop Pilates; but what you choose to focus on is entirely up to you. Seriously, whatever you're into, or think you may be able to get into, don't be afraid to really get into it. If you're into art, create art, in whatever medium you prefer. If you enjoy writing, focus on your writing; perhaps you could start a blog or write stories on a platform like Wattpad if you wish. If you are an active or athletic person, do your favorite exercises or practice your favorite sport. If you enjoy cooking or baking, have some fun in the kitchen. If you're into cosplay, then have some fun putting costumes together dressing up as your favorite characters. If you like playing with makeup, play with makeup. If you enjoy playing video games, play your favorite games. I think you get the idea. Even if it's a hobby other that people may perceive as being weird, who cares? As long as you enjoy it, and it doesn't hurt anyone, have fun with it!

We all know that social media certainly has an ugly side, but it also has a positive side, and it can be extremely beneficial to a person who may not fit in at their school, workplace, or can't find their tribe where they live. I honestly can't express enough gratitude for the fact that I grew up through the rise of social media, because it was actually people on the internet that helped me realize that I wasn't alone, in so many aspects. I personally find it very comforting to hear stories from people who have gone through similar things that I may be going through, such as being bullied; then learning about how they handled it. Then, social media also makes it possible for you to share your own story as well, and possibly help someone else; or receive some marvelous advice that you may have never thought of before (weeding out the "advice" of trolls, of course). But honestly, sometimes even just knowing that you aren't alone can be enough on its own, and with social media making the world a bit smaller, it's not hard to remember that you're not alone. 

But I would have to say that the best thing about social media is the fact that it makes it so much easier to make friends, even if you have difficulty making friends in person. I have personally always had the hardest time making friends in person, but online, I find that it's rather easy to make friends; and not only that, but I find that it's easier to make friends that I actually connect well with. One of the great things about social media is the fact that you can easily connect with people who have similar beliefs or interests to you, even if you can't seem to find anyone in your offline life with those same beliefs or interests. You can also potentially meet people from all over the world who are so similar to you, you'd swear that you were twins. I could honestly go on and on about how amazing it can be to have online friends. Personally, I found that when I started using social media and started making friends online, I felt like less of an outcast, even though I still struggled to make friends in my offline life. But honestly, there are a lot of ways that modern technology can be used for self-care, rather than having to be a negative thing.

When I look back on it now, I am actually very grateful that I was an "outcast" when I was in school, and that I wasn't popular. I mean, in all honestly, I have always been an introvert anyway, so I wouldn't have actually cared to go to parties or social gatherings, so it didn't really matter that I wasn't invited. I must say that it was kind of nice not having to think of a polite way to tell my peers that I didn't want to come to their party or go to the football game with them because I wanted to play The Sims instead. I highly preferred to stay home and stay far away from anything that could get me in serious trouble, namely the "party" life; that lifestyle never appealed to me, even when I wanted to be cool. With that said, while I definitely can't say that some things wouldn't be more fun with close friends, I am totally okay with doing things 100% on my own. I know how to keep myself entertained when I'm at home by myself, so there's no issue when I can't hang out with other people, or go out. You may be able to guess that quarantining has not been an issue for me in that aspect.

But in all seriousness, while being an outcast certainly didn't feel good at the time, there were a lot of positive ways that being an outcast impacted my life. It almost goes without saying that I am stronger because of the bullying and teasing that I dealt with when I was middle school, and it helped me to develop a thicker skin for when I have to deal with rude people or trolls. And not only that but, because of the bullying that I endured, I truly understand what it means to treat others the way that you want to be treated. I mean, the idea of treating others how you want to be treated should be common sense, but having had harsh words directed at me, I certainly understand the impact that words can have on a person. Unquestionably, I have a lot of empathy for those who regularly have to put up with other people's bullshit, and who may feel alone, and I don't find it difficult to relate to them. Even if I can't fully relate to their exact situation, as everyone's experience is different, I do feel that I can still relate to what they are feeling. It's the very reason I am writing this post in hopes that I may be able to help someone out.

Believe me when I say that I know that feeling like you're an outcast can be rough. If you are hurting, or you're feeling alone, you are absolutely justified in how you're feeling. Seriously, don't let anyone try to invalidate the way that you're feeling, for any reason. But on that same note, please, don't let other people tear you down and make you feel bad about yourself. I know it can be a challenge, but please, build yourself up as best as you can, and embrace what makes you different, embrace the fact that you don't fit in. Quite honestly, it's better not to be a part of the in-crowd a lot of the time; it's not always the wise to follow the herd. Let's be real, a lot of the time, it's actually foolish to follow the heard. I don't even want to know what the masses get themselves into at times, because based on some of the shit I see people doing for social media clout, a lot of it is straight-up stupid. Honestly, a lot of the things I saw people doing offline to be "cool" was quite dumb, and I wanted no part in it; seriously, being cool isn't all it's hyped up to be, at all. It's actually better to just do your own thing, even if it means you'll be an outcast.

Before I end this post, I would like to share my message to anyone who may be going through it and might feel alone right now; because I want you to know that you are not alone... 

If you were an outcast, and you chose to embrace it, how did you start to embrace the fact that you didn't fit in? Also, what do you feel is the best way to deal with a bully? Do you have your own term for "outcast" that may be better or more positive-sounding? Personally, I don't feel that "outcast" necessarily has to be a negative word, and can actually be quite positive, but if you have a better word, let me know. I would love to hear your thoughts!