Why I'm Kinda Grateful I Was An "Outcast" In School

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I was not exactly the most popular girl in school; as a matter of fact, it was actually quite the opposite, and I was more of a popular target for teasing. Or at least that's how it felt at the time anyway. Needless to say, I didn't really have many friends and I pretty much never got invited to anything outside of school. Heck, I wasn't even invited to much in school; as the teacher often had to assign someone to work with me whenever we had to work in groups or with a partner (even though I'd have very much preferred to just work alone), I sat alone at lunch on most days, and I literally never had a date for a school dance. So I think you can guess that my social life outside of school was pretty much non-existent. (And let's be honest, my social life as an adult is still pretty much non-existent, LMAO.) But looking back on that now, I don't think that was necessarily completely a bad thing. 

While I can't say that the bullying hasn't had any negative lasting effects on me, and especially on my mental health, I can say that there's definitely a silver lining to not being the most popular girl in school. While all I wanted at the time was to be cool or at least fit in, (I could seriously go on and on about the things I did to try to be cool before I realized that "cool" is subjective and that what society deems as being cool can change over time), I have certainly found a few ways that not being popular has actually brought some good into my life. 

Some of these ways are more serious than others, and some of them may seem a bit silly or pehaps even kind of sad to some, but I truly believe in trying to find even just a little bit of good in a bad situation or experience in any way that you can. 

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While this honestly has a lot more to do with me personally having no real interest in smoking, drinking, drugs, or any sort of risky behavior, to begin with; not being invited to anything, and not having to deal with others trying to pressure me into doing something I'd regret later, certainly helped keep me even further away from doing something that could have gotten me into any real trouble, or that would have any serious consequences. 

Although I can't say 100% whether or not I'd have given in to peer pressure and done something stupid back then, because like I said, there was a time when I did want to be "cool" (though honestly, I never thought that any of that stuff was actually cool anyway, so most likely not); I am glad I was never really in that situation to find out. Either way though, I can honestly say that I have lived a straightedge lifestyle my whole life, and I am proud of that!

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Despite the fact that I wanted to be "cool" for whatever reason (perhaps more just... accepted?), I have always sorta been an introvert; so spending time by myself has always been essential to me. Especially after being stuck in school for seven hours a day, for five days a week, with less-than-pleasant people. So not really having anyone to hang out with on a regular basis allowed me to use my time after school and on the weekends however I wanted to. And as a creative type, I often spent my weekends creating in one way or another. Whether I was writing, drawing, or building a house for my Sims. Though on a typical day I'd just take a long nap after school, then spend the rest of the night playing The Sims 3, browsing the internet, and watching YouTube videos.

Honestly, I probably should have used my time to focus more on my studies, and maybe I would have wound up with straight A's, but... *shrugs* ...I personally never too stressed much over school, and I somehow ended up with mostly A's and B's, with a few C's here and there, as long as I just put in a little effort and got my homework done.

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While I can definitely agree that some things can be a lot more fun with friends, such as shopping, working out, binge-watching shows on Netflix, and even just going for a nice walk, I am 100% okay with doing all of these things alone, as I've pretty much been always doing them alone anyway. Although that may also be because I'm already naturally introverted anyway, and I strongly value my alone time. But still, I can definitely still find joy in doing things that most people would typically do with friends alone when I don't have anyone to do them with; especially as an adult when schedules can often conflict. 

As a matter of fact, I've even come to prefer doing some of these things alone! I love being able to fully take my time when I'm shopping, and browse the entire clearance rack without feeling like I'm holding anyone back. When it comes to working out, I honestly just love seeing what I can do on my own; and going for a walk alone can actually be a great way to meditate. And who doesn't enjoy watching their favorite shows and movies alone every now and then anyways?!

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I'm going to be straight up; being bullied fucking sucks. Please excuse my language, but seriously, being made fun of and constantly hearing harsh words, especially when you're young, absolutely fucking sucks; and I know first hand exactly how it feels. So how did I turn this into a positive thing for me? Well to put it simply, because I've been through it, it's easy for me to put myself into someone else's shoes when others are teasing or bullying them; and it definitely helps me to think before saying something potentially mean. Even if I'm just joking, and don't actually mean anything nasty by it; as I know sometimes jokes can sting quite a bit as well. 

I definitely also understand the importance of standing up for others when they are being teased, or outright bullied; and how even just a little bit of kindness can go a long way. 

Unforunately, I can't tell you that bullying stops completely when you hit adulthood. Sorry, that's probably not what you wanted to hear, but I can say it typically does calm down a lot. There will unfortunately always be people who aren't very nice; whether it's the "I'd like to speak with the manager" lady at work, or some random person out in public (or usually online, where no one can punch them in the face) who just felt like being nasty to others for one reason or another. Probably just because they are either insecure, unhappy with something in their lives, or both.  

Although I'm typically still a very sensitive person, I have found that negative comments and nasty remarks or actions from strangers definitely do not affect me as much as they did when I was in middle school. I've already pretty much heard it all at this point, so when someone that I don't even know, or hardly know decides they want to be a troll, it's really nothing new to me. And why does it really even matter what some random person, who's name I'll probably forget by tommorrow, thinks? 

I'll be honest too, hearing some of the immature things fully grown adults say can even be quite hysterical sometimes. 

Before I end this post, I would like to take a moment to say that if you are being bullied or feel like an outcast, that you absolutely aren't alone, and you are worthy of love and kindness; regardless of what others may say, or how hard that can be to believe. Trust me, I know what you're feeling. I truly hope that through reading this, you are able to find even just a little bit of a silver lining to it all. And like I've said, while I can't say that one day the bullying will 100% stop completely, because we all know humans can sometimes just be downright mean, things truly do get better. 

If you are really having a hard time with bullying, or just need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out to someone that you trust, whether that person is a family member, teacher, friend, etc; and don't be afraid to look up and reach out to whatever resources may be available to you in your country or local area.