The Kat Life: 13 Ways To Become More Confident

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Throughout my teen years, and through much of my early 20s, I struggled with extremely low self-esteem, and I basically had zero confidence in myself. I'll be honest, to this day, I still struggle with negative self-talk, and I often second guess myself. I could go on and on about why I believe that my self-esteem and my self-confidence have suffered, but let's be real, I'm not the only one who struggles with either of these things. Almost everyone, if not everyone, has moments in their life where they aren't feeling great about themselves, and where they just don't feel confident. Life has a way of doing that to us, whether it's through the not-so-great events that may happen in our lives, what other people say to us, or even just through the comparison game. Let's be honest, in the modern world, we're almost expected to not feel great about ourselves and second-guess almost everything we do and/or say. It's practically the norm to have low self-confidence.

But just because something is the norm, it doesn't mean that you need to fall into it. Especially when it's something that can potentially hold you back from achieving your goals and being your best self, and can be damaging to your mental health. Seriously, there is no legitimate reason why you should allow negative thoughts consume you and keep you from living your best life because you deserve to live your best life. You deserve to be confident in yourself and the things you want to accomplish. Without a doubt, building and maintaining self-confidence is something that requires constant work, but it's certainly not impossible, even if you have zero confidence; I know this from experience. You just have to want to boost your confidence and understand that although it may require some effort, you can become more confident. Honestly, the first step is knowing that you deserve to have more self-confidence and believing that you can become more confident. Then from there, it's time to put in the work to start changing your mindset about yourself for the better.

Watch out for those negative thoughts

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We're all only human, and we all have negative thoughts sometimes, whether about ourselves, the people around us, or about life in general. We all have our moments where we're unfairly critical of ourselves and doubt ourselves, we all get anxious or worried when we're uncertain of how things may pan out. Seriously, there isn't a single human out there who doesn't have negative thoughts; we all have our judgments, doubts, fears, and not-so-great thoughts. So with that said, you shouldn't be too hard on yourself when these thoughts pop into your head. Having negative thoughts doesn't inherently make you a negative person, nor does it mean that there is anything wrong with you. But that doesn't mean that you should just allow these negative thoughts to run rampant in your mind and allow yourself to believe them. Especially as these negative thoughts are not only very limiting but are often untrue. Seriously, just because a negative thought makes its way into your head, it doesn't mean that you need to listen to it and accept it as the truth.

The thing about negative thoughts is, they are just thoughts, not facts. I don't even know how often my brain will tell me that I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy of love, no one cares about me, I will undoubtedly fail and make an idiot of myself, or whatever else. What I do know, however, is that many of the nasty things that I tell myself are absolute bullshit. Either that or they are way overexaggerated; I'm not going to lie and say there isn't sometimes some truth to some of my negative thoughts, especially when it comes to self-criticism, but it's easy to blow things out of proportion. To give an example, sometimes I do catch myself spending a bit too much time watching YouTube videos when I should be working, but there's no need to start calling myself "lazy and useless" when I lose focus. Seriously, there's no need for putting yourself down, even when some constructive criticism is needed.

I'm not saying you shouldn't take criticism from yourself, and work on the things you need to work on. I'm also not saying you should ignore your negative thoughts because, quite frankly, you can't just ignore what's in your own head; but you can choose not to listen to these thoughts. Personally, when I'm having negative thoughts, I find that it's better that I acknowledge them, then correct them when I know that it isn't actually the truth. Seriously, you don't have to believe the shit that your mind is telling you, even if someone else helped plant it there. As a matter of fact, you definitely don't have to believe it if someone else helped plant that thought there. I know it's hard sometimes, but don't listen to the negativity. You won't recognize what you're capable of if you allow negativity to hold you back.

Practice focusing on positivity

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Let's be real, life is full of negative and not-so-great things, and it's easy to get caught up in the negative aspects of it. It's not at all difficult to find the negative stuff going on around the world or within our own personal lives. Undoubtedly, it's easy to have days where it's easy to come to the conclusion that the world sucks; because in many ways it does. It's also easy to get caught up in the problems we may be facing in our own lives and to focus on the things that aren't going right for us or what we don't have. Let me be real with you, life isn't going to be 100% peachy all the time; you're going to have bad days, and not-so-good shit is going to happen. I'm not about to tell you that you should pretend that life is all unicorns and rainbows. As a matter of fact, if you're upset about something, you should acknowledge it and allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. Seriously, release those emotions, don't bottle them up. On that same note, however, you shouldn't focus entirely on the negative aspects of life either.

Even though it may be hard to see sometimes, especially when life gets stressful, there are plenty of positive things in life, you just have to look to these things. Take a moment to think about the positive things that you do have going on in your life, and practice gratitude for the things that you do have. Try your best to focus on the things that make you happy, both big and small, rather than the things that make you upset. Even when you feel like everything sucks, you have a lot of good things going for you. Think about the things that you've accomplished, not just your failures, and when it comes to those failures, think of the lessons you may have learned from them. Look for the silver lining that there may be in the not-so-good situations. Seriously, don't focus exclusively on the negative aspects of life. Because, personally, I find that the more positive and optimistic I try to be, the better I feel; not only about life in general but about myself as well. That being said, I know that being an optimist can be hard in today's world, but it is possible...

How To Be An Optimist In A Pessimistic World

It's easy to be a pessimist these days, but it's much better to be an optimist!

Make a list of the things that you love about yourself

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Perhaps one of the quickest ways to give a little boost to your self-esteem and bring up your confidence levels would be to sit down and make a list of the things that you love about yourself. Seriously, take a moment to sit down and think about the things that you love about yourself, and write everything that comes to mind down, and when I say everything, I mean everything, big or small. Whatever it is that you love about yourself, acknowledge it, and celebrate it. Whether it's an accomplishment that you're proud of, a personality trait that you have, a talent that you possess, a physical feature that love, or anything else, acknowledge it. Seriously, allow yourself to celebrate the things that you love about yourself. We are often so critical of ourselves that we forget to take a moment to give ourselves credit and praise where it's due, or should I say, sometimes we refuse to because we don't want to feel like we're egotistical. Or maybe we simply just don't think we deserve to love ourselves, due to what other people, or our own minds, may have told us.

But we all deserve to love ourselves, regardless of what other people, or our own brains, may tell us. Seriously, don't think of self-love as being an egotistical or narcissistic thing. If you're able to see the best in others, there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to see the best in yourself too. Even if it feels a bit awkward, I highly recommend taking a moment to sit down and make a list of the things you love about yourself, and don't be humble about it; you don't have to share this list with anyone if you don't want to. Perhaps if you're into bullet journaling, this could make for a great spread that you can have some fun with, or you could find some way to get creative with your list. I personally decided to turn my list into a blog post, but like I said, it's 100% up to you whether you choose to share yours or not. But I wanted to share mine because, who knows, someone may read my post and recognize some of the same things in themselves...

14 Things I Love About Myself

Self-love is not a bad thing. Here are 14 things that I love about myself; even if I didn't always love all of them.

Work toward self-improvement

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Confidence is not cockiness; it's really not. While confident people certainly recognize their strengths, they also acknowledge their weaknesses, and they want to work to improve themselves where they can. As a matter of fact, sincerely confident people also want to work to improve upon their strengths as well. Not because they believe that they aren't good enough, but because they believe there is always room for improvement and growth. Confident people know that they aren't perfect, and while they're okay with that fact, they still want to grow and be the best versions of themselves that they can be. They want to work on their weaknesses, strengthen their strengths even further, become even kinder people, learn new things, and better themselves in any way that that can. So when they know that they could be better in any aspect, they want to put in the work to improve that aspect of themselves. To confident people, self-improvement is self-love.

Seriously, don't confuse confidence with cockiness, because they do not go hand-in-hand. As a matter of fact, cockiness and an unwillingness to grow and improve oneself is often a sign of a lack of self-confidence. Confident people believe in themselves, and they also believe in their ability to grow and change. Confidence is about believing in yourself, even when you know that you aren't perfect, and you know there's certainly room for improvement.

Take good care of yourself

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When I don't take care of myself, and I allow bad habits to creep in, I will often find myself feeling like shit, in basically every way, physically, mentally, and emotionally. And needless to say, when I'm feeling like shit, I can't exactly say that I feel great about myself. Especially when I know that I've brought that shitty feeling upon myself by not taking care of myself and/or getting out of my routine. With that said, if you find that you've allowed self-care to fall to the wayside, for any reason, don't beat yourself up over it. Life happens, and sometimes we get so busy that we neglect to give ourselves a break and take the time for self-care. I also understand that some days, it can feel like a drag to even make your way to the kitchen get a glass of water, let alone prepare a healthy meal or exercise. Let's be real, sometimes it takes a lot of motivation to simply get out of bed at a reasonable time (which is an essential morning habit for me), and sometimes it goes beyond the typical morning blahs. But seriously, I get that sometimes, we neglect to take proper care of ourselves for one reason or another, even if it's unintentional, and it can lead us to not feeling so great about ourselves.

Personally, I find that the feeling of "letting myself go" is a significant killer to both my self-esteem and my self-confidence. It's nearly impossible for me to feel confident when I'm not even taken care of. So needless to say, when I find myself getting off track, or just not caring for myself, the only real way to lift myself back up is to start taking care of myself again. And let me tell you, while at first, it can be a bit of a drag to even get through the little things, especially when I'm feeling absolutely terrible, the more I move through my self-care routine, the easier it becomes. For me, practicing is one of the best ways to boost my mood, and subsequently, my confidence. This is why I personally view self-care as being something essential, not just something that's fun to do every now and then. With that in mind, I'd like to make it clear that when I say to practice self-care, I don't just mean to take a relaxing bath or wrap up in a warm blanket. I mean, while having a Netflix night is a great way to practice self-care, self-care is also about doing the things that are good for you. Even the things you really don't want to do at the moment.

All of that said, if you need a few ideas on ways you can practice self-care, I actually have several posts you could look through. I also have one specific for picking yourself back up when you're going through a breakup (heartbreak always kills my confidence). Most of the things listed in my posts can be done from home, so you can still do them while quarantining...

Workout

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There are so many ways that becoming more active has changed my life for the better, and boosting my confidence is definitely one of them. Honestly, working out has done a lot to boost my self-esteem and my self-confidence, and not for the reasons that you might think. For me, the confidence boost that this lifestyle gives me has very little to do with vanity, but more to do with the other ways that I've grown and transformed my life since I started working out regularly. I can't even begin to express enough gratitude for the positive impact that being active has on my mental health, and how much it relieves my anxiety and depression. Working out gives me the energy to do more of the things that I want to do and do them well, rather than feeling like I'm half-assing them due to a lack of energy. Seriously, the simple fact that working out makes me feel good helps to boost my confidence and kill some of the doubts I may be having about myself.

I also have to say that a huge factor in working out increasing my confidence often comes from the workouts themselves. While I'm definitely not the strongest person in the world, by any stretch of the imagination, I have definitely gotten stronger since I first started working out. There's something about being able to finish a workout you used to think you "just couldn't" do that just gives you a huge confidence boost, especially when you get through it without pausing. There's something about being able to run 3 miles with ease when you used to struggle to go for a run up the street, or getting into that yoga pose that you didn't think was humanly possible. There's just something about progress that can really boost your confidence. Seriously, don't knock this one without giving it a try. You don't have to strive to become a great athlete or train to run a marathon. You really don't even need to go to the gym, seriously, you don't; you can get a great workout at home. But in all honesty, even a simple walk can make a huge difference in how you feel.

Put effort into your appearance

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More often than not, I find that the better I look, and the more effort that I put into my appearance, the better I feel; and the more confident I become. Honestly, even when I know that I don't have it all together, by any stretch of the imagination, when I take the time to make myself look put together, I'm setting myself up for success. So for that reason, I like to take a little bit of extra time to put some extra effort into how I look. Even when I'm at home, I choose to wear athleisure that I'd happily wear outside the house or pajamas that I find super cute, and I like to make sure that my hair is brushed and free of tangles. I know it may seem silly, but I've found that it definitely increases my confidence, and also boosts my productivity.

When I say to put some effort into your appearance, I'm not saying that you have to spend hours on your hair and makeup or wear super fancy clothing. As a matter of fact, you don't have to wear makeup at all if you're not into it; I rarely wear makeup when I'm at home, sometimes I even skip it when I go out. However, the option is always there to wear makeup if it's fun for you and helps you feel confident! But honestly, even just taking some extra time to brush your hair and pick out an outfit that you feel good in can make a huge difference in how confident you feel.

Watch your posture

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I will be 100% honest with you, sometimes I forget that proper posture is a thing. But let's be real, I think we all do, especially those of us who spend a lot of time at our desks or looking at our phones. When I'm working, gaming, or scrolling social media, the last thing I'm thinking about is my posture. It's honestly a rarity that posture even crosses my mind. Even when I'm standing and not looking down at my phone, I tend to slouch a bit; then I'll wonder why my neck, back, and shoulders hurt, or I'll wonder why they're so tight when I'm stretching. Honestly, my poor posture is likely a tremendous culprit in why I often find myself feeling achy, lethargic, and generally crappy when nothing else seems to explain why I'm feeling so cruddy. Especially as I actually do tend to feel a lot better when I am sitting or standing tall, with my shoulders back instead of hunched. I also tend to not only look more confident when I'm using proper posture, but I also feel more confident. Perhaps I should start using the PostureMinder browser extension to remind me to sit up when I'm at my desk again.

Be kind to others

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Maybe I can't speak for everyone with this, but being kind to others is such a wonderful feeling. I personally love the idea of being able to make someone's day even slightly better, just by showing them a little bit of kindness. You don't necessarily have to perform a grand gesture or volunteer a ton of your time unless you want to, nor you don't have to spend a single dime to be kind. As a matter of fact, sometimes it's those small and random acts of kindness that make the most significant difference to a person's day. Honestly, you never know just how much so much as a genuine compliment or even a friendly wave may make someone's day. And who wouldn't want to make someone's day? Especially when there are so many ways that you can show kindness to others, even from a safe social-distance. Even leaving someone a sweet (but not creepy) comment on social media counts as a small random act of kindness. And not only are you making someone else's day when you're kind to them but by lifting others up, you're also lifting yourself up. Seriously, being kind to others is such an easy way to boost your confidence. We build ourselves up by building others up.

Get shit done

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I am the type of person who likes to be productive and get shit done. Honestly, when I know that I have the energy to be getting a lot of stuff done, I prefer to be doing something at least semi-productive over having a Netflix day. It doesn't necessarily have to be anything super important, but I prefer to be doing something over feeling like I'm doing nothing. This isn't to say that I don't have days where I slack off a bit and end up watching YouTube videos all day, because I definitely have those days, but I definitely feel better when I'm productive than when I know that I'm slacking off a bit too much. Don't get me wrong, it's essential to rest, and you can actually end up burning yourself out and being even less productive if you don't give yourself time to rest, but stagnation isn't a great feeling either. I also have to say that, when I'm procrastinating, it's nearly impossible to actually relax when the things that I'm putting off are nagging at me. Having a long list of shit that I need to get done, but keep avoiding just because I don't want to do them, doesn't make me feel great about myself.

But on the flip side to that, when I start knocking out those tasks and start crossing stuff off of my to-do list, it actually gives me quite a confidence boost. Seriously, it feels great to get everything that you need to do done and then get some of the projects that you just want to do done. While your worth is not defined by your productivity, it feels great to put your time and energy to good use, so if you're having a burst of energy, make the most of it. With that said, you shouldn't overwork yourself either, and you should try to find a balance between work and relaxation, which can be especially tricky if you're working from home, and you don't have set hours for work. But I do have a few tips for balancing work and play when you're working (or going to school) at home...

Balancing Work & Play When Working From Home

When you work from home, it's important to maintain a balance between work and play.

Find a hobby you're passionate about

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Do you have any hobbies that you're particularly passionate about, and believe that you're good at? If so, then focus on those hobbies; or that one hobby that you love. Even if you're not an expert at it, if you have a passion for it, pursue it. Whether it's a creative hobby, a sport you like to play, or anything else that you enjoy, when you have the time, do that thing; and do it with passion. Pursuing a hobby that you enjoy, and that just comes naturally to you, is a great way to make use of your free time and build up your confidence. Honestly, it's so satisfying to watch how you get better and better at something the more you do it, and to become more confident in your skills. Plus, it's a much better use of your free time than just mindlessly scrolling through social media, or trying to figure out what to watch on Netflix after you've seemingly watched everything already. I personally love the sense of accomplishment that I get when I spend my day putting my time and effort into something that I enjoy doing, and it often doesn't even feel like work. Although who knows, you could potentially turn your hobby into your work, but this is entirely up to you.

One thing to keep in mind about hobbies is that they shouldn't necessarily feel like work. Now, if you do decide to turn your hobby into your full-time job or even a side-hustle, of course, then it'll become work. But that's not what I mean here. A hobby should be something that you enjoy doing, and that you don't have to be forced to do, it's something that you naturally want to do. It should be something that you want to get better and better at, even on the occasions that it may frustrate you; no one ever said that building a skill wasn't frustrating at times. A hobby is something that should bring you joy and helps you build your confidence as you do it. I think you understand what I'm trying to say here. Seriously though, find your passion and pursue it. You don't have to take it too seriously if you don't want to, just have some fun with it and build up your knowledge and skills in that hobby.

Problem solve what you can, let go of what you can't

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If you're dealing with a lot, you're in any sort of a sticky situation, or you're simply being faced with something difficult, I find that it's helpful to try to problem solve as best as I can. Now, I'd like to make it clear that when I say to problem solve, I'm not saying that you need to find a way to resolve the situation entirely. Honestly, there are times where there is nothing you can do, because it's entirely out of your control, and in those times, it's best to understand that and try to let it go. But personally, I don't like to just jump to that conclusion, and I prefer to problem solve whenever I can. Plus, I also prefer to consider the best ways that I could go about trying to resolve something, rather than going in blindly with no game plan. More often than not, having a game plan gives me more confidence that things will turn out more favorably than if I don't give any thought to what I'm going to do about a situation. And in the cases that I can't actually do anything about it, it helps me to feel better about not taking action, and that I'm making the right decision in letting it go.

I personally find that trying to problem solve, whenever I can, helps me feel a lot better than the alternative, which is to just complain, whether externally or internally. I also have to say, it feels much better to know that I am doing everything that I can about a situation, even if that means that the best thing I could be doing is, well, nothing. Knowing that I'm doing what I believe is the right thing to do gives me more confidence in how I'm handling the situation. Moping around has never given me confidence, but problem-solving almost always has.

Never stop learning

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Knowledge is power, so don't ever stop learning, as the more you know about something, the more confident you will be with that topic. Whether you know absolutely nothing or a lot about something, take the time to learn more about it. Google things that you aren't sure about, and read articles on it. Find books on the subject, watch YouTube videos on it, take online courses, learn from people who are knowledgable on the topic; allow yourself to keep learning, and be empowered by knowledge. Let yourself take lessons from your own life experiences or the experiences of those around you. There are so many ways to learn, and honestly, there's no way not to learn, as we learn new things basically every day, so allow yourself to not only be open to new knowledge but choose to seek it out. You don't have to become an expert on everything, to build confidence through awareness, you just have to be willing to learn and grow through what you learn. Learn enough to have an idea of what you're doing, and know that you can do it to the best of your ability.

We could honestly all do with a little more self-confidence and a little less self-doubt. Of course, we won't be 100% confident all the time, especially when life throws us an unexpected curveball, or we're just having one of those days; but there are many ways that we can build ourselves up. I'd also like to say that genuine confidence comes from within, not from other people. I'm not going to say that it can't help to have a reliable support system around you, but I know that not everyone has one, and you don't need one to build up your own confidence. Seriously, you just have to believe in yourself a little bit. I know that can be hard sometimes, but you can build up your own self-confidence, without the help of anybody else.

Is self-confidence something you often struggle with; or struggled with in the past? What are some things that you like to do to boost your confidence? I'd love to hear about them!